Someone told me long ago, as they were separating, that they felt it was far better for children to be from a broken home than to live in one.
That makes a lot of sense for me. Calm, secure happy childhoods are so much more important than a family that stays together but is constantly unhappy, tense and insecure.
Statistics may tell you time and again children function better in a dual parent home, but it’ s not mental and emotional health they are measuring.
So if you do decide to separate, what should you consider to make it easier for everyone.
Here are my 5 top tips:
1. Talk about solutions rather than problems. When you have got to the point of separation harping on about old grievances will not help anyone. Do try and stay outcome focussed and lessen the heartache by avoiding old, unresolved issues.
2. Conversations about the separation that belong between the two of you should not take place in front of the children. They are after all children. Try and talk to them about agreed upon plans only.
3. When you are looking for a family lawyer try and find one who is solution orientated and who puts the children’s well-being first. It can be a good idea to ask around for recommendations.
4. Look after yourself – this can be a really traumatic and sad time and you need to keep well to survive it intact. Prioritise eating, sleeping and exercising well and having time to talk things over with a trusted friend.
5. Be fair however angry you feel right now and stay fair in dividing up possessions, money and time spent with the kids,. You will co-parent all your lives to some degree so do try to have the best relationship you can have under the circumstances.
I wish you all the very best.